“Radiation” – Spider-Man Origins Gangster Rap

Na-na-na-now if nerd is the new black, then call me deep space
Cuz for my formative years I had fists in my face
Shoved into lockers, a high school disgrace
Man, these jocks ain’t never give an orphan a break
Yeah my parents are long dead, but I don’t care
Cuz when I needed parents, my aunt and uncle were there
Kind old May and wise old Ben
Taught me the value of intelligence, I give ‘em a ten
I loved science, I loved beakers and test tubes
And I had a thing for this girl with wonderful— test tubes
But Mary Jane never noticed a geek like me
Except that I was “real smart” and “such a sweetie”
Then it’s back to buff Flash or rich Harry
And it’s back to the locker with next-door Pete—oh!

(Chorus, tempting female voices:)
Oh Peter, Peter, we got what you need (wow, wow!)
An itsy-bitsy bite, you won’t even bleed (ow, ow!)
Oh Spider, Spider, why ca-can’t you see? (oh, oh!)
That power like this (like this) never comes free… (whoa, no!)
Radiation, Radiation!
Radiation, Ray-dee-ay-shuuuun!

([Flash’s voice] You’re such a dweeb, Parker. Hahaha!)

Let’s cut to the chase, to a school class trip
The effects of radiation, yo this was my shit
There was famous Dr. Conners and his magic machine
That would regrow limbs and cure any disease
I was watching so close, no one noticed but me
This tiny little spider lower into the beam
Didn’t think much of it till I felt a little prick
Then fire rushing up my arm, dizzy, gonna be sick
Well, I slept for three days, but woke up a new man
Muscled, no glasses, shit I even had a tan
And I could crawl up walls, uh that ain’t normal!
And swimmin’ through my head was this weird-ass formula
I had spider powers, son! How awesome was that?
The next bully to shove me was gonna go splat!


([Mary Jane’s voice] Face it, tiger, you just hit the jackpot. *giggle*)

How to get cool? Well, first I needed cash
Twenty-one and over cage fight? I better wear a mask
The Amazing Spider-Man, yeah he brought home the dough
And I heard the kids at school saying how he was dope
Life was pretty great, all I needed was the girl
And for Uncle Ben to stop yapping, man I thought I would hurl
“Your mind’s a great power, son, you got to use it right.”
“Yeah, I’m going through some changes, Ben. Have a good night.”
I told him not to bother, but he said he’d pick me up
So I went to the “library” and beat down some poor schmuck
As I was walking out I heard a cry, “Stop! Thief!”
But I let the thug pass as he ran down the street
What concern of it was mine who robbed or hurt who?
Then I got to the car, Ben. Someone hurt you.


([Ben’s voice] With great power, comes great responsibility…)

My blood was boiling, eyes buggin’, face grim
Gonna find this bastard and rip him limb from limb
Gonna punch him and beat him until there’s nothing left to scar
Until he feels what Ben felt when he died for a car
Cops had him cornered in a warehouse; I’d get to him first
I put on my mask and ripped off my shirt
I fired up the web shooters I’d made in chem class
And swung off towards the sirens and that red and blue flash
It was dark in the warehouse, and he was jumpin’ at shadows
Till I jumped the motherfucker to make him reap what he had sown
But when I saw his face it cut sharper than glass
It was that same petty crook to whom I’d given a pass
He stumbled out the window, and I’m ashamed I let him fall
But my part in Ben’s death was the greatest shame of all
On that cold and lonely rooftop I was changed for good
I’d use my strength to save lives everywhere that I could
I’d fight the kind of criminal that killed Uncle Ben
So that no more Aunt Mays would suffer this again.

(Chorus 2x)


2 responses to ““Radiation” – Spider-Man Origins Gangster Rap

  1. I read it outloud and only got tripped up a few places. I like it and can see you walking along or lying in your bed with your brain crushing this out. So who is next, Wonderwomen? MOMOXOXOX

  2. hahahaha! oh andrew.

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